The Behenji: The behenji is the stalwart of the Indian middle class. Normally travels by bus or can be seen haggling in the street corner to take an auto. Wears a suit to please the parents but wears jeans while going out with friends. Jeans are normally boot cuts with large embellishments and embroidery on the back that makes it easy to distinguish from normal women. Thinks she knows English but drops grammatical gems like “I has finished it”. Also forms the bulk of people who smell of Chameli ka Tel and have confined themselves to their fate of getting married to their parents choice. Deviants are hacked to death by its own family.
The Chanel: Normally found outside select high-end restaurants getting off her chauffer driven SUV with sunglasses that cover 3/4th of the face. Normally wears tight jeans and sleeveless shirts and is 63% fairer than her behenji counterpart. Enjoys a Sunday brunch after the weekly spa treatment and generally lives off daddy’s money before settling with a foreign born NRI who she meets at a stint in a mediocre British university. Multiple close up shots of the face can be found as the Facebook display pictures and prides self on talking about poor children she donated money to at the parties. Known to only goto sleep in flowery night gowns.
The Rocker: Girls with more eye shadow and kajal. Normally gets her first ear piercing or chin stud at the age of 15 after which there’s only one way to go i.e. up! Enjoys a pitcher of beer and likes hanging out, preferably in black t-shirts where she can be found discussing the subtleties of Dark Side of the Moon before flipping to her most favourite subject i.e. when and where to get her tattoo. Normally considers behenji’s and chanel’s to be an insult to women and the cause of backwardness of fellow Indian women. Is usually smarter and more politically active than other women before eventually running away with her boyfriend (who dies a few years later of a drug overdose or bike accident, or cleans up her act and becomes daddy’s little girl. Senior rocker chicks can be heard reminiscing about the good old days at every possible social re-union.
The Pop-A-Cherry: This is the most innocent of the single women. Largely a mix between a behenji and a chanel, the pop a cherry can be described as a normal, fair to wheatish complexioned woman who is comfortable in traditional and regular western clothes both, but has been shielded by her family and thus knows very little about the world. Despite looking like a modern woman, her views are largely traditional and her favourite actor is often Shah Rukh Khan. More liberal families allow her to get a job where her levels of socio-cultural understanding increase significantly causing her to either completely bunk her childhood values or hold onto them stronger than ever. Depends a lot on her family for support and involves them in most decision making processes before eventually embarking on creating one of her own.
The Socialist: The socialist can be seen wearing lots of Fabindia and ethnic Indian clothing and owns a large collection of junk jewellery. Is usually a student of arts and culture and can be seen at most cultural events in the city. The female socialist is the most neutral of all women in that they appeal to people of all forms. Often has friends across the spectrum of behenjis, rockers, rappers, Chanel’s and fellow socialists as she realises that either one can come in handy some day, unless she has a pure heart and really cares about humanity on the whole. Can have an intense debate about human rights in Tibet before starting to talk about her favourite Bryan Adams song. Is also a big fan of Bob Dylan (8 times out of 10) and feels that Bollywood objectifies women excessively. Does not really need to make money as the family has enough but pursues higher studies in culture, humanitarian, history & arts before working for/starting an NGO to give herself a sense of purpose. Thinks her thoughts and writings are unique but are largely shitty and not worth the piece of paper they are written on.
The Hottie: The hottie is the woman who knows she is hot and does everything in her power to continue to exude her hotness. Has been asked out by half the class in high school and keeps a very select bunch of friends. Is normally a Chanel or a pseudo-socialist. Always keeps a tagger around her to remind herself that she is the best of what’s around. Normally has more guy friends than women and likes it that way. Normally thought of as arrogant by other women and commonly referred to as a slut by other women/men.
The Tagger: The tagger is the hottie’s accomplice and is always found next to her in shopping trips, brunches and other social outing. The hottie and the tagger provide each other a mutual benefit i.e. the tagger feels wanted and finds a sense of purpose while the hottie always reminds herself of how hot she is by looking at the tagger and feeling bad for her.
The Expat: The expat is the Indo-phile or general traveller who comes to India looking for adventure and to learn more about herself. Socialist expats quickly assimilate themselves into their cultural surroundings and learn more about the city than their resident counterparts. Capitalist expats on the other hand only frequent places that deserve their whiteness. Normally find a loaded native boyfriend to show them around the country and fulfil other desires before moving on to the next country and repeating the cycle. Are very good for the economy and can be hired for cheap to add diversity and flavour to events and parties of all kinds.
- i love women (neemajay3.wordpress.com)
- Only in Delhi is the Cocktail Dress a Uniform (india.blogs.nytimes.com)
- Indian Women Talk About Sex – in Cyberspace (ipsnews.net)