CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE:
In the very beginning, when human beings were not social, they used to spend their lives wildly. In that period they were free to live their lives anywhere, any way as per their need. Anybody could make physical relationship with anybody according to their desire or his physical requirement either forcibly or with the consent of his counterpart. Practicing this act nobody was responsible for any result of the incidents forged on the life of his counterpart. For example, after having physical relationship by some man, if a woman got pregnant then she was only responsible to bear its results. No man was responsible to bear its liability because there could be some other strong person also who had made physical relation with that woman.
But after a due course of time when human being grew social, they thought over this practice. They realized that this practice was not good and should be abolished. If a man wants to have physical relationship with some woman, then he should take responsibility in all respect of her future life and the woman was also considered to live with him and take care of him during her whole life with loyalty. Thus the concept of living together of a man and a woman happily with joy and pleasure by fulfilling their requirement and wills was developed in the form of marriage and such a married couple was called a family. This family was further transformed to a society which gave birth to a civilization in the human life.
ROLE OF PARENTS IN MARRIAGE:
In a civilized society, ordinarily, every man and woman is free to get married to someone who she/he likes or loves with either consent. But in the past it was totally depended on the will of the parents of boys and girls to be married. Up to a large extent it is being practiced in today’s time also. Beside the will of parents the other factors like caste, religion, status, etc. of the families are also affecting the marriage. Now due to modern education this is changing substantially and the consents of the boys and girls are being given more value during the formation of their marriage
MY OPINION ABOUT MARRIAGE:
In the different societies of different countries, there may be different concepts of marriage due to their different traditions, customs and laws. But in my opinion marriage is a democratic (by the couple, of the couple and for the couple) decision taken by a couple “Man and Woman” to live together lifelong in a democratic way with some commitments which are necessary to bring them closer to each other. This may happen either with co-operation and consent of their family members, friends and relatives or without them.
WHAT MAKES MARRIAGE SUCCESSFUL:
There are so many factors or things which are important to make married life successful. Some of them are on the part of each spouse itself and some are on the part of their family members, friends and relatives. The positive things should be done and implemented by all of them and negative things should be avoided.
The most important positive things which are necessary to be done by the spouses are:-
– Mutual understanding:
Husband and wife both are complementary to each other, so they must have mutual understanding. The basic thing which brings “A MAN AND A WOMAN” closer to each other is positive understanding between them.
– Mutual trust:
Positive mutual trust that plays an important role to make married life of a couple successful comes from the mutual understanding of the spouses.
– Mutual respect:
Both the spouse should respect each other. This respect comes when the spouses have positive understanding and trust to each other. The spouses do not fight if they respect each other.
– Mutual loyalty and honesty:
Both the spouse must have loyalty and honesty towards each other. There should not be any hidden things or matter between them. There should be openness in each and everything to avoid any kind of doubt so that they may enjoy their happy life.
Adjustment between the spouses is also very necessary to make their life easy and happy.
Love grows unheeded when both the spouse have mutual understanding, trust, respect, loyalty, honesty and adjustment. Love automatically grows and nurtures in the presence of above qualities. Love should not be produced and influenced by any kind of attraction only like physical, economical, etc. as it may be in the case of romantic love. Romantic love builds false expectations, therefore the love which is not grown with trust and positive understanding cannot be the root cause of making such an important relation like successful marriage.
COMPANIONSHIP HAVING TIME, SPACE AND COMMUNICATION
Love needs companionship having time, space and good communication between two people. These attributes make the spouses best friends. When two people become friends, they have the ability to understand and handle each other’s behavior happily even during difficult times. When both the spouses are friends and they love each other, their married life becomes successful.
Couples make their marriage stronger by sharing the household responsibilities. The couple should share the responsibilities of caring for children, each other’s parents and each should be primary care giver for their own parents. While doing anything the spouses should not think of his/her self individually. They should always keep in their mind that they are not individuals after marriage. They are partners, so they should share everything: good and bad with trust, love and understanding.
PHYSICAL INTIMACY WITH HEALTHY FEELINGS OF BOTH THE SPOUSE
Sex or physical intimacy is an important component of married life of a couple. It dissipates tensions, releases negativity and brings the couple closer. They may solve their problems better after coming close physically, but it should not be the means of entertainment only. While making out, they should think of whole circumstances and feelings of each other and respect. It should not hurt anyone.
STAYING IN A JOINT FAMILY IS BETTER THAN LIVING INDIVIDUALLY
For a couple, if it is good to live alone without their parents then it will be better to live with their parents. Staying in a joint family adds happiness in the married life. While living alone, a couple may get selfish and say whatever they want, to release their anger, but in a joint family they can get proper guidance from their experienced elders. The elders may point out the things that affect the children. In a nuclear family if the couple fights over any argument then it leaves bad impact on the life of their children. Therefore, for a couple, it will be better to live in a joint family and get proper guidance of elders to make their married life happy.
– The above qualities of mutual understanding, trust and mutual respect extended to families, friends and relatives adds more value in the success of their marriage.
– Besides the positive things to be done by the spouses, their family members, friends and relatives; there are some negative things also which should be avoided by all of them to make their married life successful and happy. These negative things are:-
1. Ego: For a happy married life, there should be no place for ego.
2. Selfishness: While doing anything the spouses should not think of his/her self individually. They should always keep in mind that they are not individuals anymore. So there is no place for selfishness.
3. Cheating: There is no space for cheating in a successful marriage and if they don’t cheat each other then they have trust and respect for each other and above all love each other.
4. False attraction: Love should not be produced and influenced by any kind of physical or economic attraction. Rather it should be based on trust, respect and mutual understanding.
5. Greed: Greedy behavior can destroy any relationship, so the spouses, their families, friends and relatives should be free from this feeling to nurture a healthy relationship. Dowry should not be demanded by either family of spouses.
6. Contracts and compromises: Marriage should not be considered as a contract or compromise by the spouses, their parents or family members. “Marriage” means living together lifelong in a democratic way with some commitments.
7. Pressure for unlike fooding, dressing, career, rituals, thoughts, etc.: No spouse, his/her parents and relatives should pressurize or force the other for fooding, dressing, career, rituals or thoughts etc. because any spouse has its own freedom to do things as per their likes or dislikes. But it is also important to think about the wellness and happiness of the spouse and family while deciding to do anything. It should also be accompanied by adjustment from either side so that they lead a happy married life.
8. Child shouldn’t be the reason to save marriage or to live together: Though a child or children are necessary for a couple for future generations but it should not be the reason to save their marriage or to live together. A child needs stability which can only be provided by happy parents. The bitter fight between parents can affect the mental status of the child so that it should be avoided.
9. Interference from family, friends and relatives: Marriage brings two families together but it doesn’t mean that the families should interfere in the life of the couple who need their space and time to understand each other and to live a happy life.
The role of husband/wife is the most important part in a man’s/woman’s life. The marriage is a thing of beauty, joy and pleasure and it shouldn’t be used as a sordid business deal. And if such a thing will be used for humanity and goodness of human life, we can make marriage successful.