“I am scared of relationships” – has become a refrain with our generation. Why do we face relationship problems? What did our parents or grandparents do differently that they were able to build and sustain so many relations? Yes, they had more time in hand than we do! However, the real reason does not lie in our time-deprived lifestyles – it’s US and OUR characteristics that lead us to make or break relationships.
To be able to understand people and develop a good relation with them, we need to introspect ourselves and understand our own traits. There might be a gap between what we believe we are and how others perceive us to be! With the motive of bridging this gap, I undertook a Friendship Relation Survey Graph along with a few friends. The following are some insights I had about myself (which I will share in a series). Since it will not be possible to share the graph here, I will share my learning from the exercise and the way I applied to moments/incidents in my life in order to gain a better perspective.
Exercise 1: WHEN COMING CLOSE IS GOING TOO FAR
I learned the importance of communication skills (during the group discussion).
I discovered that body language conveys a lot more than we realise.
I never knew before that my body language sometimes gave my mind away.
I was surprised by how much my friends have judged me by my way of communicating or not communicating with them.
I realised that I need to hone my communication skills a lot more so as to not give out the wrong message.
I relearned the precise definition and the levels of communication.
I now understand why it is important to communicate the right thing, in a right manner, to the right person.
I grasped the meaning and need for inculcating proper communication techniques.
I perceived a connection between stages in relationship and levels of communication.
Some people in my class have told me that before becoming friends, they considered me to be very arrogant and not very friendly. I always wondered why it was so because I am quite a helpful person and I do not perceive myself as arrogant at all. In fact, I am just the opposite. The group discussion revealed the reason behind this sort of an impression. I was always quiet and reserved and never made any effort to converse with any of them. So they perceived me as snobbish.
The reason why I did not talk to them initially is that I am shy by nature and I do not feel comfortable in conversing with unknown, unfamiliar people. One thing that I realised during the group discussion is that I have to be slightly outgoing in nature. Too much of diffidence would unintentionally give out a wrong message and this might harm my reputation later on.