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How to Boo Inflation

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Inflation, like infection catches you before you know it and spreads like conflagration before you can respond; not that the methods I suggest here would make you an overnight fortune or something. It would rather save you from getting bankrupt overnight (which I feel is more important in today’s scenario). Importantly don’t miss any point (baad mein road pe aane pe mat bolna 😀 ):

1.’ Petrol = priceless, for everything else there’s Master Card.’ You’d have heard this famous Indian saying many a time. Make no mistake, it actually is priceless. Some steps to save petrol:

a. When in hostel, throw your keys around so that you ‘can’t’ find it at most important occasions (a friend’s b’day or a placement treat). Since, there would be so many interested parties aboard (and on a happy occasion who thinks of petrol), someone or the other will pick you up.

b. When with girlfriend, drive crazily, so much so that forget the long drives, she begs you to come in an auto, the next time you plan to meet.

c. Don’t run to get your tank full every time a decrement of Rs 0.75 is announced. Do the math and you’ll quite simply get that the petrol you spend to make an ‘out of the turn’ trip to the petrol pump is more than the money you save.

2. If you are a married man, fight with your wife often; so much so that she is incensed to leave the house and go to her parents’ place. Try this in month-ends, that’s when you need it the most and when she’s leaving, taunt her about the kids too. This would save one week’s ration for sure. As soon as you get new month’s salary, it’s time to say “Sorry!”

3. Never, and I mean that, ‘never’ forget your spouse’s birthday, your marriage anniversary etc. One such mistake can make you pay a huge price! It’s perfectly fine if you gift her a chocolate, 12 at night but a day later even a diamond ring might not suffice to arrest her wrath.

4. As soon as your kid is born instead of ‘Mumma’, the first word you should teach him is a big fat NO. Say ‘no’ to his demands right from the beginning. This way he will be ready for the reality of the world way before he will need to face it and more importantly you’ll be able to make ends meet.

5. Calculate the amount of gold you’ll (by you I mean your Mom, wife and daughter if any) need in your lifetime and buy it today, because the price may rise tomorrow and furthermore the day after and the day after that it might well end up beyond your reach.

6. Learn to say NO, not only to your kids but also to your friends. This might have happened many a times to you that an innocuous little request to celebrate in some fancy restaurant ‘just for this eve’, that too for no apparent reason, digs a four digit deep hole in your pocket. You were content with the canteen food that day and even had some stomach issues and no intentions to eat outside but just that ‘koi bura na maan jaye’ issue digs your own grave.

7. Keep one member of your family below the poverty line. This would assure a never-ending supply of food grains at Rs 1 and Rs 2 a kg (as our govt seems to be hell bent on distributing food and cash for free instead of creating employment opportunities).

8. Jump off the brand bandwagon. Buying a thousand so called branded products to show to people who want to show off their branded stuff just doesn’t work. In the end we all are so occupied with ourselves that we hardly get to see what the other was wearing. It’s like Will Smith said, “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.”

9. Follow IPL religiously. Bet on every match CSK seems to be losing till the 18th over and also on the ones Pune Warriors seem to be winning till the 19th one. They both have got the talent and the temperament to reverse their fortunes.

10. If all this doesn’t work, just pray to God that another housing/ gold/ oil bubble bursts and the world goes into depression. Rates will fall but so will your income, so I can’t assure you about the success of this option but keep praying nonetheless (Bhagwan kabhi toh sunega!).

 

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